I am blessed to be married to my soulmate and to be Mom to three amazing kiddos here on earth. In addition to being a mom, I am a freelance writer and editor, and I work part-time as an academic coach and adviser at our local university. I started this blog to share my experiences with grief and loss after losing my mom and my fourth child within three months of each other.
My grief journey started on June 8, 2012, when my mom was diagnosed with stage 4 urothelial cancer. In the first days and weeks after her diagnosis, I could barely eat. I felt sick with fear at the thought of losing her. My mom was my best friend. She was an amazing woman — strong, brave, positive — and she taught me everything I know about being a good mother. Her prognosis was grim, as the cancer had already spread to her kidneys, liver, lungs, and bones when she was diagnosed. But she was truly a warrior. She lived 17 months, and I cherished every moment I and my kids were able to spend with her during those months. She passed from this world on November 3, 2013, with my dad, brother, and I surrounding her.
At the time of my mom’s death, I was pregnant with our fourth child, a boy. We chose his name — Theodore — soon after our 20 week ultrasound, because I wanted my mom to know his name before she died. Everyone in our family looked forward to his birth as a joyful event that would help us heal after losing my mom (or Nana, as my kids called her). However, on February 2, 2014, my hubby and I went to the hospital after I was unable to feel Theo moving for over an hour. Our worst fears were confirmed: Theo had died in utero at 37 weeks gestation. They induced labor, and Theo was born silently at 12:19 am on February 3, 2014, three months to the day after my mom died.
Some days the pain is so great that I can hardly bear it. And so I write.
“Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak knits up the o’er wrought heart and bids it break.” ~William Shakespeare